...that after years of trying to get pregnant when I was married, that unexpectedly, I am???!!! Yes, the surprise was on me too. I'll never forget being on the phone with Susan and questioning her about birth control and and that I extended it to prevent my period when I was in Toronto visiting James. I'm on the phone telling her that I hadn't started and was that normal--she's a registered nurse. She told me that I messed with my hormones and to wait a week or two and if I didn't start, to definitely go see my doctor! Well, I never started. I took a pregnancy test and was shocked when I saw a faint line on the stick. I paniced, wondering if it was even accurate. Then came the flood of, "WTF, how did this happen, this can't be, not now, I have Burning Man this summer, this isn't part of my plan, GOD HELP MEEEEEEE"!!!!!!!I waited three days before I called James. It was priceless...he's in the car with two of his friends, on the way to pick up speakers for some party he was going to DJ. He said, "You sound supressed, what's up"? I said, "Well, I don't think it works to talk to you when you're in the car with two friends, I'd like to speak to you when you're alone". He said, "Hey, you can say whatever there is to say". Hahahaha! DRUM ROLL.... I said, "I'm pregnant". In shock, he yelled, "What???!!! Are you f..ing kidding me???!!!". It wasn't funny then but I've had my share of giggles since. Both of us were in a conversation for terminating and then I had chosen to wait until the weekend because I was so conflicted. After a lot of agonizing and looking at all my considerations, I chose to rearrange my life to bring this gift into the world! I called my dr.'s office to find out about blood work to find out how far along I was at that time. He called me later that day and said, "You're more than 4 weeks, your HCG levels are really high which says that you're more than four". So, I went to get an ultrasound to find out how far along I was and I was moved by what I saw on the screen. At 11 1/2 weeks, there was a heart beat, his/her legs and arms were moving all over the place and there were hiccups---as a result of the spleen growing. Never in my life did I imagine I would see a little tiny human being. I thought I'd see some round cellular thing. At that moment, the deal was sealed---the little peanut was alive and real.
When I shared the news with my parents, my father said, "If it's a boy, I'm coming to Massachussetts and moving you back home". Hahahaha! Dad has had a string of girls---even the cats were females!!! The one thing that was really sad for me is not being able to tell my grandmother that she was right! OMG...she's probably saying it from the pearly gates. When Gerry and I weren't getting pregnant, she looked me square in the eyes and said, "Tonya, I'm going to tell you something and I want you to listen--(her famous last words), you won't have a child until your late 30's---close to 40. So you can keep doing what you're doing, but that's the way it's gonna be". Of course I freaked out and started crying when she said that, but here I am, 35...not far from 40. I'm sad that she will not be here to share that with me or that my child will not know her---crack lady and all. ;-)
So, now that I'm starting to show, my breasts look like a freight train coming and my clothes no longer fit the way I'd like them to, I thought I'd start sharing with the rest of the world. Some of you already know, some of you will find out when you read this. All is good! It's like growing up all over again!
Well, life will never be boring ever again!
Peace and love!
