HAPPINESS!!!

You never know when you are creating a memory for someone else! I giggled the day that John told me he saw me walking in to Mainely Brews that he thought to himself, "Who is shhheeee"??? What he didn't know then was that I was walking in from expressing milk for my amazing little man, Jamieson, and then partying like a rockstar with my sister and friends at Mainely Brews. He walked up to me later that night...I hear this voice say, "Hello Tonya"! I turned around and saw him and was so excited that I nearly knocked his drink out of his hand. We exchanged the typical "hello, where have you been, what are you doing these days" and then we parted. My sister Kari said, "I don't know if you noticed that guy over by the bar...he is quite smitten with you". I said, "I know"! LOL!!! Mikki and Jay kept telling me to go over and talk more---well, Mikki was more like begging me to. So, I did what I never like to do and I approached this mysterious man that I have known all my life but didn't reallllyyy know. I asked him about his sister who was one of my closest friends when I was growing up. I shared some old time stories of him at his house...growing up. I was completely connected to him. It was oddly amazing. I was just out for the night, no conversation going on in my head about meeting a man, wasn't interested in dating at the time and then this AMAZING guy shows up out of nowhere! :-) He's got his stuff that he's dealing with in his life, I've got my stuff that I'm dealing with in my life and we both have the space to be with all of it.

It's been a short while that I've known him at this level but it feels like it's been longer. He's amazing with my son, he's got two beautiful kids and the experience is that this is the gold at the end of the rainbow! ;-)

I love ALL of you John William Heaton-Jones! Thank you for being in my life, for making a difference, for coming into my life as a wonderful surprise. For loving me, for loving Jamieson. You bring, love, beauty, & inspiration into my life. I love that I get to be me--nothing hidden with you. MMMMmmmmwwwaaahhhh!!

Happy Anniversary Nannie & Tatone!!!

Tonight was my parents 37th Wedding Anniversary and they invited Jamieson and I to enjoy an evening out with them!!! This was pretty much the scene...sleeping! :-) This is one of the BEST pictures yet that I have taken of my parents with Jamieson. All I can see in this photo is just how proud they are to have this little guy in their lives! And, he's sporting the socks that my mother made him!! Too cute!

Happy anniversary Mom and Dad!! I acknowledge you both for your love, committment and dedication to each other over the last 37 years. Thank you for being two AMAZING parents and giving life to three wonderful daughters!!! I love you both!!! xoxo

GO PATS!!!

I love this picture...he looks like he's wondering if I think he's as handsome as Tom Brady!!! ;-) My mother found this out shopping one day! I love it!!! Now I need to find him a #12 Jersey!!! Guess it's a trip to Patriots Place!!! :-) He's got to have it when we go to Rob and Andrea's to watch the Superbowl! It's a 2 year tradition to go and hang with them!!! This year, we'll enjoy having the peanut with us to make it more interesting!!!

TRICK OR TREAT...

Jamieson had four different Halloween "Costumes" to go through for the day and the photo above was a top that actually glows in the dark!!! The one below is just stinkin' CUTE!!! We started celebrating Halloween with Auntie Justine and then ended with Uncle Rob and Auntie Andrea!!!

Rob and Andrea made the big trip up from MA to see the little pumpkin!! Rob fell in love immediately!! Really, how could you not...look at that sweet face! ;-)

We all enjoyed a GREAT visit and Rob and Andrea got to have their giggles on the lack of things to do in Pittsfield, Maine. When I called to get their E.T.A., Rob said they were 40 minutes past "No Man's Land". Ha, ha, ha!!! We all got such great laughs. My mom gave Rob the BIG stamp of approval to watch Jamieson anytime he chooses!! ;-)

Master Jamieson has arrived....

This was my birthing team...Jennifer Rogers (birthing doula) and my dear friend, Erik! I was at a Wisdom Course work party when my water broke! Sandhya and Erik brought me back to my apartment where I met Erik and off we went to the hospital.

I had been laboring for almost 14 hours at this point! Breathing the contractions down were becoming a bit too much. After 17.5 hours, they had to induce me, which caused me to have back labor. That's when I requested the epidural!!! God love the epidural!!! They let me rest for about 45 minutes and then it was time to push. An hour later, Master Jamieson came out weighing 6lbs and 18 inches long!

Erik was coaching me at this point on breathing and staying present and focused on my body.

I love this picture...it represents the modern day single mom...out of the shower, the bluetooth earipiece, the cell phone and the peanut! This was the night I got home from the hopsital. My parents came for a little while and then Erik stayed with me until the we hours of the morning! He watched Jamieson while I got some rest.

I actually woke up and found him sleeping on the job! :-)

We finally got to Maine and the peanut was sunggled up with me. I'm completely in love with this little guy...my son!!! ;-)

To my perfect and unstoppable son...I loved you the moment I found out about you and was soooo excited to finally meet you on October 9th at 7:35 in the evening. You came out and immediately recognized my voice when I said, "Hey Peanut...it's your mom...I love you"! You looked right at me and your intense crying became a light quiver. You were surrounded with everyone that loves you...Nana, Auntie Kari, Auntie Laura and Uncle Erik! Tatone came on Sunday to surprise us and I cried and he fell in love with you at a first glance.

I love spending hours watching you sleep, listening to all your different cries for all your different needs. I giggle at how you take your bottle. You fight it at first and then you wrinkle your nose and wiggle your head back and forth while sniffing all at once. It's so adorable.

You are surrounded by so many people who love you. I can't wait for all your different stages of growth and development! Thank you for blessing my life with your beautiful being! I will love you until the end of time!

The King's Quarters....

Here ye, Here ye, let everyone see the "King's Bed"!! (Laughing)...This is where the little peanut is going to be resting. Now, it has been a transition for me. It has been YEARS...YEARS...since before I was in highschool, that I've shared my room with anyone. And because I was the oldest, I got to have my own room growing up after doing "time" sharing it. Now, I know I'm not a mother yet but I can get on some small level, what parents will give up for the love they have for their children. This is my first BIG "giving up" some of my personal space and sharing it with Jamieson! Ha, ha, ha, ha!!! It's temporary and it works!

So, this is the crib that my Mom, sisters and mom's friends all went in on and got for me!!! The bedding came from my Wisdom Course Work Group!!! And, it's all together. With the help of Dad and Paul, the crib was errected a couple weeks ago and the bedding just came in on Friday!!! Everything has been washed and is waiting for the little peanut. I even ironed the dust ruffle!

Brittany and I went shopping at Joanne Fabrics and matched up some flannels that her mom is going to make crib sheets from!!!! He's going to have one of the coolest cribs on the block that all the kids dream of! (I can't stop laughing as I write this). And the sad part of all of it, is he won't even care---just me! Ha, ha, ha!!!

Either way, thank you everyone who has contributed to this amazing, beautiful bed! It has made a huge difference for me and will be a part of his life for a long time! Got to love that it turns into a headboard and a footboard!

Love to you all!!!

MY BABY SHOWER...

It's been two weeks since my baby shower and I've created some time to update my blog!!! Yayyy!!! My shower was AMAZING! I watched myself go through so many different spaces of emotion that day. There was the "nervousness" of "who's going to be there", reconnecting with my friends from Maine and then really being with the reality that I AM GOING TO BE A SINGLE MOM!!! It was something to experience myself in all those different thoughts/spaces.

The "theme" of the shower was the "Hungry Catepillar"...which I have loved since I was a child!

That's what generated my mother creating this quilt for Jamieson! I don't want him to use it afraid that it will get all puke stains! I love my mother's quilts. He's already got 4 quilts between my mother's three and Paula who made me one too!!!

My mother and my sisters, Peggy, Paula, Kathy, Julie, & Martha all got me the Crib I registered for. Dad and Paul came down last weekend and put it together. I was so surprised and THRILLED! Then, this past week, my Wisdom Course Work Group came over and they gave me a gift certificate to Target. Today, I ordered the bedding for the little peanut. When that comes, I will take a picture of it all put together!!!!

My Aunt Mary, Aunt Eva, Stephanie & Nikki all got me the car seat travel system!!! I have to admit that I actually needed to take out the instruction booklet to get it set up in my car! Now, I just need to take it to the fire station to have them look at it and make sure I have it in correctly!!!

It was an amazing day. I got so many wonderful gifts from everyone and Mikki was so great to take a bunch of pictures. Erik was the hit of the party--being the only man and only friend from MA that came to my shower! I really got how much people love me! And, I got to hang with my friend Melissa who I have not seen for a while. I cried when I saw Tracy and then Leslie and the twins! What an incredible day.

Much love to everyone who put my shower together. My mother and sisters did an amazing job with the shower as well as all the women from the "friendship" group! Thank you for your time, love and generosity!

Only four more weeks until the little peanut is here!!! Hold onto your shirts!!!

Love ya!

JAMIESON'S HALLOWEEN TOPS!

I went to Maine this Holiday weekend for a little R&R and my mother's friend, Melinda, made a surprise visit. She bought me the cute little orange shirt to the left for the little peanut! Then, mom and I found the one to the right...in case of a necessary change in attire comes up. They both have "glow-in-the-dark" features and are adorable. He'll be only about a week or so old so we've got to have a little "Trick or Treat" celebration!

Coming up on the final stretch of the pregnancy and on limited bed rest! I spent 5 hours in the hospital last Monday, was told "bed rest" on Tuesday, at the dr's on Thursday and Friday! It was a week of many different circumstances testing my strength and being with the reality of what is going on with my body. Jamieson is doing fine. All the tests came back negative for pre-term labor and I've been diagnosed with pre-term contractions. The experience of "taking it easy" is not a world that I am familiar with. I go and go and go and go some more. Bed rest is going to sleep at night, not laying on my back and "taking it easy". Ha, ha, ha! So, I've chosen to embrace it, rather than resist it. I'm taking on being responsible for the health and well being of myself and the little peanut!

That's it for now! xoxo

Wisdom, Weekend 4--"The Prom"...

We were the two prego hot momma's at the Wisdom Social Event and AGAIN....I'm very excited to say that at 8 1/2 weeks left in my pregnancy, this is a pre pregnancy dress that I'm sporting. In fact, the last time I wore this, I was in Toronto at Sophie's "What you have in your closet and no place to wear" party!!

And, those of you who remember me from Highschool...I totally had to recreate the pose that Dan and I had at the Snow Ball! Of course Dan and I had shit grins on our face. This is the pose reinvented with my friend Guy! This event was actually quite confronting for me. At first I was realllllyyyy excited about it. Then, there the flood of "no's" when I asked some of my male friends...including Dan to be my "date" for the social event. I totally was going stag as a "single pregnant teen" and dealing with not having a date! This was a whole new experience for me....no date, no making out and nooooo getting lucky! ;-) And THEN, I realized, all my upset was actually about: "IS THIS WHAT THE FUTURE HOLDS"??? Not desirable to men? Hahahaha! So not true but it was so REAL that being pregnant and single was going to be one no after a no after a no in the world of relationships, intimacy with men. And then Guy said the most profound thing, "Tonya, you do realize this isn't a real prom". I lauhged my ass off about all the significance that went into this just hours before it started.

And of course, we all went out for the "after party". It was so much fun!!!

Jamieson's FIRST Hooded Towel...

Leave it to me to go online to locate the nearest TJ Maxx...I wanted to make sure I new exactly where to go, got the address, plugged it into my GPS and off I went. Happened to need something for the apartment and I came across a Carter's Hooded Towel. It's so cute with the frog and a little chicken to the left (not clearly seen in this photo). Anyway, on my dreaded trip to the laundromat this a.m., I brought it with me to get it all washed and ready to go for less than 10 weeks from now. I've been VERY disceplined....I have only bought like 4 items...included this towel, for under $20.00. I bought him some L.L. Bean boots on sale and 2 Gap shirts and this towel! I mean really, how can you walk by something for $2.99?

Anyway, I'm off to a wedding in RI! What a hot day for an outdoor wedding. This is when I really wish I could have a Pineapple Mojito! YUMMMM!!!

GENEROSITY OUT, GENEROSITY BACK!

I'm leaving work Thursday night when this African woman on the sidewalk says, "Excuse me". I stopped, thinking she's going to ask me for directions or something. She said, "Do you have 75 cents? I'm a single mom, trying to take care of my children and it would really help me if you could give me 75 cents". Typically, my automatic thought to myself is, "Get a job, I've struggled too and I'm making it work". Instead, I was compassionate, and acknowledged her for her courage and what it must take to ask for money. I looked in my wallet and gave her all the money I had--which wasn't much because I don't carry a lot of cash on me. She thanked me and off I went.

Later that night, I had Erik's new roommate come by my apartment to unload the last of the stuff from my old apartment. He and I know each other from the Gym I use to go to before I moved--he's a personal trainer. He asked me if I had joined a new gym. I said, "No, walking costs me nothing and I don't have $60.00/month to spend in fitness right now". He paused for a moment and said, "Listen, I would like to make a difference for you. Come join the gym that I'm working for, I won't make any money off you, it will only cost you $20.00/month and I'll train you once a week until maternity leave". Shocked, I said, "Are you kidding me? You'll let me join your gym, train me once a week all for $20.00 a month and no registration fee"? He said, "Absolutely". Then, I remembered giving that woman my last red cent and thought to myself, "Being generous and compassionate with that woman who stopped me, created this opening for me to have generosity come back two fold"!

Amazing what a shift in context of who people are can create in the world!! Go out and be generous and compassionate and transform someone's life! ;-)

Peace & love!

SEVEN and 1/2 Months!!!

Okay, here I am, 30 1/2 weeks in to my pregnancy and sporting an Evan Picone dress that is NOT maternity!! ;-) Yes, I'm very proud! I took this picture before I left this Friday for my trip to NYC for the Introduction Leaders Program 4th Weekend! So it's hot off the press!!!

I spent yesterday sick as a dog home! Started vomitting at 4a.m. and finally got my stomache settled down 1/2 way through the day. I finally surrendered and turned on the A/C in this blasted heat/humidity we've been having. Today, it was 83 degrees in Boston before 8a.m.!!

So, I've got Jamieson started on a Prenatal Curriculum!! LMAO!! Eva bought this system called, Babyplus! She's due in January so I'm the beta site for this system! It's suppose to educate and even help them sleep through the night. Any of you who are interested can find out more information at www.babyplus.com . I've got the first series of five lessons going on right now. Jamieson is responding to it! He keeps kicking and moving---which is not unusual.

Other than that, I had my glucose test last Friday. Found out yesterday that it came back elevated so they scheduled me next Friday for a fasting and three hours of onsite blood work. I'm the least excited about this. Not because I think anything is wrong but HELLOOOO...no food after midnight the night before!!!!! There will be a revolt from the womb I'm sure of it! He kicks all over the place if I'm the slightest bit hungry! :-)

Anyway, this month has been interesting in watching the changes in how active he is. I watch my belly move all the time...like an alien inside me stretching to get out. It's kind of weird and neat all at once.

Well, enjoy! I'll keep you all posted. By the way, my baby shower is scheduled on September 13th at 2:00. My mother had to let me know to make sure that I'd actually be there--given the busy life I lead! ;-) Hehehe!!! It will be a surprise to see all those that I love there! So, until I post again....xoxoxo!!!

I'M MOVED IN....

Well, this is certainly NOT a recent picture, in fact it was exactly a month ago...I'm now behind on photos because I am 29 weeks along....just a week over 7 months! This was the last time I wore this cute purple dress! Booooo whooooo!!! :-) Doesn't look the same with gigantic boobs and a belly like it did when I was in shape, toned and tiny!! Those days are only weeks ahead!! You know, they say that women are pregant 9 months. WRONG...with all the calculations, a woman is actually pregnant--full term--TEN MONTHS! It's nearly a year!

Anyway, I'm all moved in and wanted to share some of the photos. I'm in the beginning stages of decorating. I've been piecing it night by night. My roommate Eva has no idea where I get my energy from. I know listening to friends for years through their pregnancy, that they always had the common complaint, "I'm so exhausted, tired etc". I have only had moments of it. I feel the best I've ever felt. Now, in the beginning, the hormones were my complaint. I had no idea who had invaded my body but when I had violent thoughts of killing people due to episodes of rage and upset, I clearly knew I was not myself! I don't know how many women really tell the truth about their hormonal moments, but let me just say, I am on the other side of it for the most part and thankful that the friends who experienced me in my monstrous moments...Erik and James, thank God you saw through it and still love me! ;-)

Well, I want you to know that my mother is hosting a baby shower for me in Maine on September 13th at 2:00p.m. I think I'm just as excited as I would be if it were a "surprise". There's still the wonder and looking forward to it all---and then there's dealing with the reality that soon, I will be totally responsible for another life! I can't wait! I've been training him in utero that he's 100% responsible for his happiness! So, when he's crying, I will hear it like he's being responsible for his happiness! The last couple of nights he's been keeping me up with his restlessness. I've been singing "lullaby and good night, hmmm, hmmm, hmmm"....I don't know the words but I hum it. It seems to settle the little peanut down and helps me sleep a little better!

Anyway, enjoy the pics! I'll update when I have something a little more current!

OPERATION: Hot Momma in FULL ALERT!

I've been in my Wisdom course since Friday and one of the fun things about our weekends is our Social Event! This social event's topic was "Talen/No Talent Show". Anyone with or without talent participated! Our group came up with doing a scene from MacBeth. There were three of us girls that stepped up to be one of the three Witches. We all dressed in Black and wore masks. This is what I wore. Michelle said to me at the end, "You were suppose to be a nasty witch, not a hot witch in heels". I told her it was my new spin on MacBeth! Besides, who says hot witches can't play a nasty witch part??? Hmmm???

Either way, the weekend was amazing! I got to share with everyone what I've been up to, my pregnancy. When I started Wisdom back in February, I was pregnant and didn't even know it! Now, six months later, I have been able to see the shift I have had around my pregnancy. One thing was my "blind" attachment to how James "should" be about me being pregnant with his child. I finally got that he's a no to participating the way I WANT him to participate. In the background, I kept wishing and hoping that he would participate the way I "expected". And when he wasn't doing that, I would be upset, boo hoo and cry to Erik and Melissa---who wouldn't get enrolled in it! I would make him wrong about everything and anything, etc. I was able to really be responsible for all my suffering and upset when he wasn't showing up like I was hoping he would, or expecting he would by getting it was ME who was creating it all. I have literally disappeared being upset because I was the one creating the expectations. :-)

The other thing that shifted for me is: I got a job!!! I had a conversation shortly after I found out that I was pregnant that, "No one will hire me because I'm pregant"! Ha, ha, ha! When I shifted that conversation to, "I have a lot to offer a company and being pregnant will not impact my performance or the results I can produce", I had a job in a week and a half.

So, after this weekend, I'm excited to really take on the next level of expansion for myself, which is finding a place to live and child care for my son.

That's all for now! Love you lots!!!!

Jamieson & I....

Here I am...fully showing--even a little skin! I'm still able to wear most of my tops and am getting a little too big for my pants. Even the belly band isn't helping much these days. I'm feeling GREAT! I spend a lot of time getting "beat up" from the inside. Jamieson has a routine of moving, kicking and moving and kicking! He's very active during the morning, mid-day and at night before I go to bed. He's kicking and moving around right now as I type this!

My mom sent me a custom design "Vera Bradley" backpack (which I'll post separately). In it, she sent me some cute little clothes!!! The bottom one, I picked out recently because it reminded me of James. He's a Leo and for those of you who know my interest in Astrology (yes Justine...I can hear you giggle now), Leo's are Lions. So the "Roarrrr" and the lion is what got me! ;-) Anyway....Enjoy!!! xoxo!

"He's just like his Mom"...

I have shared with my friend Erik how the baby moves around a lot as I'm going to bed. So, last night, the baby was moving and rolling and I told Erik to put his hand on my belly. He felt the baby move and then kept waiting for him to move again. There was no movement. Then, Erik yells, "Peanut...It's your Uncle Erik". Still no movement. Erik says loudly again, "Peanut"!!! I'm laying in bed giggling. Then Erik finally gives up and says, "He's just like his mom...never listens to me". Hahaha! I laughed so hard.

Next Dr. appointment is on June 18th! I can't wait to see him on the ultrasound. He's grown twice the size since the last ultrasound.

My Belly is finally getting bigger than my Boobs!

Not one of my best photos but the photographer that I was working with didn't seem to care about having me look good---THANKS ERIK!! ;-)

I'm feeling really great. I've gained only 12 lbs and 21 weeks along. The book I've been reading says at 5 months, the baby is about 10 inches long from head to toe...about the length of a big bannana. Jamieson Anthony is VERY active in the womb. He's busy moving all day and rests around dinner and then active just as I'm going to bed. I can now put my hand on my belly and feel him move around. Today, I was laying out in the sun in the late afternoon. I decided that I'm tan only in the front....because I'm always on my back. So, I tried to lay slightly on my stomache and just when I decided it was not a comfortable position, I get this big KICK from the inside like, "Hey, what they heck are you doing to me"?! I laughed and told the little peanut that I got the message! Hahahaha! All the while, giggling.

So, now that I've secured myself in the world of career and making money again, I've been on the hunt for a place to live. My friend Lisa introduced me to her friend Leslie. I went to Leslie's house to meet her and to get a feel for what it would be like to live with her and her daughter. It's a great place just a little more than what I have budgeted to pay. That will be my next mountain to move....finding affordable living.

Well, that's it for now! Love to you all! xoxo

A shift in my listening of men....

It's Memorial Day weekend, I'm sitting in a chair at my friend Andrea's house, getting ready to watch the movie, "Incredible Hulk". Andrea is still expecting another friend to show up. A minute later, a knock on the door and she runs up to greet her friend.

He comes downstairs, pulls up a rocking chair and sits right beside me. I'm social so I start chatting with him while he eats and we're waiting for Andrea to come start the movie.

The night ends and we're all leaving. He follows me from Andrea and Rob's--Marblehead can be a little tricky getting out. So, at a red light, he pulls up to me and starts to say something and then makes a hand gesture as if to say, "Never mind". I sent him a text message saying, "What did you want to say at the light". His response: "Um, I was working towards asking if you were seeing anyone. Probably not the most opportune time but I was a little embarrassed at the house because someone great, gorgeous and with a child is most likely taken. Then Andrea said you had your heart broken and I could do with spending some time with someone great. So, you're taken, right? Otherwise....would you like to go out"?

Completely flattered. Here's a guy who's spent only a few hours with me, short conversations and mostly watching me watch a movie. :-) In that moment, I realized that it IS possible that there REALLY are great men interested in me--including this little peanut in my belly! YAYYYY to great men!!!!! ;-)

Memorial Day Weekend!

Here I am...4 1/2 months along!!! My belly started to really pop the last 2 weeks and I'm feeling fabulous. I've shared with a lot of people that I've created a "covert operation"....Operation Hot Momma!! I'm still wearing my regular clothes which is exciting! I've also lost 3lbs! I've gotten beyond the "cravings" for Italian pastries. Although I must say, cereal is by far an addition to my daily routine. James just mailed me a package of Shreddies. I can't find them here in the US so he sent me a box from CAN! How sweet! ;-) It's sitting at the P.O. until it opens on Tuesday.

Anyway...had a great time at Rob and Andrea's for their Memorial Day weekend BBQ!!! They made corn on the cob on the grill----YUMMMMMMY!!! I'm feeling my best---physically, emotionally and spiritually. Great things are happening in my life!

Happy Memorial Day to everyone!!! xoxoxo

Cleaning out Storage Units & Completing the Past: Produces Results!

"Hi Tonya:

It was a pleasure to meet you on Wednesday. We were impressed with you from many aspects; your confidence, poise, professionalism and transparent frankness.These among many are attributes we look for...."

This was part of a letter from Dr. Kurban, one of the two dentists I interviewed with on Wednesday for a Practice Management position. Litterally, when I walked off the elevator and into their practice, my experience was one of being in a dream. Since I left Club-E and started interviewing in MA 1 1/2 years ago at other dental practices, I never thought I would find another practice with such a committment to patients, appearance of practice, the relationships of staff to one another. I thought I'd left that at Club-E. Well, I found one notch above (sorry Peter and Mikki). This dental practice is soooooooooo high end, even a duchess like myself is having a hard time believing it's really true! :-) This practice not only manages patient care, but also adds in a little "spa" treatment too. They do not stop with manicures and pedicures---we're talking massages!!! Now, who would decline that?? ;-)

Either way, I caused this job in less than a week. I am going there next Wednesday and Thursday for a paid "working interview" to experience being with the team to ensure that we all get along! I am thrilled and cannot wait to go!!!